about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
