Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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