Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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