I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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