After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
