I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
