You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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