you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
