I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
