Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
