he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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