I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
