So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
