Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
