I think my vagina is haunted
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
