i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
