My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
