OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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