I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
