I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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