I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
