I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
