How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
