I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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