somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
