Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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