he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
