Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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