If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
