I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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