maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
