Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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