so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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