Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
