What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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