tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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