Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
