if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
