Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
