i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
