She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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