I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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