Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
