I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize