Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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