you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
