So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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