I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
