i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
