i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
