he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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