hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
