fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
