What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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