woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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