The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
