Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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