If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
