So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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