I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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