i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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