checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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